DENT

Picking up on Seth Godin’s post where he asks, how big a dent are you making?  What he’s talking about is the influence you’re having, so the dent can be as big as the whole earth, or as small as the private Universe that has you as the centre. 

And if you’re not having an influence on either the macro or micro level you might want to ask yourself, why not?  Is the question not important to you?  Can you not be bothered? Is that why you’re not having an influence?  

I think it matters, I think it matters a great deal to make a dent, leave a mark, exert some influence because if you consider the myriad of synchronicities it took to realize your existence on this planet, then you being here must have been important.

Your influence does not mean scale.  In other words, it doesn’t have to be at the Pulitzer or Nobel level to matter, it doesn’t have to be at the celebrity level.  The test for influence or dent, is this: has your presence made someone else’s life easier, joyful, enjoyable, comfortable, feel cared for? The bigness of the dent is judged by the exponential joy that it creates, in one person (even if that person is you living authentically), a dog, a bird, or an entire planet, or for generations to come.

REALIZATION

Wherever we find ourselves now if we look back truthfully we will see the breadcrumb trail marking the path that got us here. It is sobering, it is huge and feels like a real cold shower of realization.  But here’s the connection that’s absolutely critical to make, we have to be present, we have to be in touch with our authentic self and know the difference between the ego and that authentic self.  

We need to check in with our authentic essence anytime we need to make a decision -- no matter how big or how small because the future we want for ourselves depends on it.

REPEAT

Although it might seem like high drama at first blush, every decision we make, from the trivial to the humungous, is life altering -- I repeat, from minuscule to mountainous, every decision we make is life altering.  

Each decision is a breadcrumb that we drop along our journey.  If you wake up one day, look around you and wonder, “How did I get here?”  Whether the questioning refers to the good or the bad of your circumstance, just look back and you’ll see the trail of breadcrumbs. From the little seemingly insignificant decisions to the really big ones, each one molded, tweaked, nudged, brow-beated, hammered and pummeled your current existence into being.

RULES

The more rules you have about how people have to be, how 


life has to be for you to be happy, the less happy you’re 


going to be.

~ Tony Robbins

COMMOTION

When we respond to feelings of anxiety or fear with food we’re not listening to our authentic self, we’re listening to our ego.  And when we listen to our ego, we don’t often make good food choices.  

Our authentic self may be craving to just sit still and release those feelings but you won’t know this because the ego is shouting so loudly.  That’s what the ego does.  It has loud, kicking and screaming temper tantrums to get its way.  

Your authentic self on the other hand is the patient, calm light in the corner waiting with open arms, but you can’t see it because you’re distracted by the little ball of mashugana writhing on the floor, so you tend to it because it’s causing such a commotion.

Forgiveness

"Just as a truly courageous person is someone who knows fear but acts bravely in spite of it, a truly forgiving person is someone who experiences all the anger merited by injustice and still acts with fairness and compassion."

~ Martha Beck - O Magazine - December, 2001

DO OR DIE

See the getting up had to come from me, from something inside me and it’s the same whether you’re a junkie or a battered woman, you have to hit bottom, it has be a personal bottom and so low and deep as to leave a mark, a mark that actually frightens you.  

Only then, only when you feel that mark, I suppose some kind of searing on your soul that snaps you out of the trance you’re in, something so painful to wake you up and make you realize that you are tired, you are drop on the spot, right down to the bone tired and you don’t want to do this anymore.  In fact, that awfulness and that pain has to be so vivid and real for you that it has to sustain you, it has to buttress you when you try to stand, when you try to regain your balance.  

It’ll be that raw burn that you feel on your soul every time you even think of returning back to where you were, every time you even think you see a glimpse of where you were and your crazy mind entertains a fleeting thought of going back there again.  

GET UP

The trajectory that led me to where I am today is really quite clear.  But perhaps the most important thing of all in retrospect and in appreciating where I am today, is the fact that none of it would have been possible, especially, sitting here today, feeling aware and grateful and blessed, without repeatedly and stubbornly getting back up and moving  through.  

Nothing but getting back up and moving through -- sometimes I staggered and sometimes I was clumsy and sometimes I did it grudgingly and foolishly, but I got up and I moved through.  For that, if for nothing else, I am truly grateful.

QUESTION

Is the direction you’re going in really the direction you want to go?  

It is so critical to ask this question, whether asking it about our job, our friends, any aspect of our romantic life, this is a critical question that we so infrequently ask ourselves and even less frequently listen to and do something about.

Consider that in their book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, Anne Millford and Jennifer Gaussian report that 30% of women who get married regret doing so.   And even though some were asking the question, ‘What am I doing?’ They didn’t do anything about it.

Changing our minds is our prerogative not as women, but as human beings.  It’s okay to do it and even better to do it sooner rather than later.  

DIRECTION

The more often I ask this question and can answer that what I’m doing, from the minuscule task to a big project, is on target with where I want to go and who I want to be, then I can proceed. 

If the answer is NO, that what I’m doing is incongruent to where I want to go and who I want to be, I need to stop, even if I don’t have a plan ‘B’, it’s okay.  I just stop and take deep breaths.  

The solution, or the direction I need to go in, that is closer to my authentic self, will present itself shortly - it always does.

Steering by Starlight

If you stay connected to the stargazer and do everything you can think of, you'll find yourself being assisted by things you can't think of.

~ Martha Beck - Steering by Starlight

Challenge

If you want to find your passion, know your life’s purpose, meet your soul mate, or feel intensely alive, don’t look toward the fun things that fit logically into the flow of an easy life. Ask yourself, “What am I running away from?” Whatever that thing is, turn around. Walk toward it. Face it and conquer it, or die trying.

--Martha Beck- Challenge: This Week, Be A Hero

Personal Everest

If you find yourself getting nervous, stop and relax for three full breaths. Then take one small step, then another. That is how people get to the top of Everest.

~ Martha Beck

Preceding

Send love before you when you enter a room, and people will subconsciously feel it; they'll be prone to show greater kindness in return. 

                                          ------

We turn down countless miracles whenever we refuse to show up fully for the gift of our present circumstances.

                                          ------

The secret of life is knowing that it's standing right in front of you.

~ Marianne Williamson

Squander

Hanging on to feelings of hate and resentment are just excuses that allow us to squander our lives because we shut down, remain stuck and can’t move forward.  

So, what excuses are you hanging on to that are helping you squander your life?  I have held on to the belief that had I been raised differently, had I had parents who were more educated, hip, supportive or aware, BOY, the things I could have achieved!  What I realize now is that this is just an easy way to fashion an excuse.  

Excuses like this are a great, albeit misguided, way to explain past failures and provide you with a seductively deep cave to hide out in.

Once you’ve understood this you’ll have blown the potential of your life wide open.

State of Forgiveness

Part and parcel of the feelings that make up that corrosive mix of lingering resentment and bitterness, is a misguided notion that we are better than the person we’re aiming our vitriol at.  In other words, we think that our hurt feelings are telling us that we have the right to tell the other person how they should act.

We don’t.  The other person is free to be whomever they feel like being, and acting however they feel like acting, and you have no control over how they are or how they act.  And you have neither the right nor the control over whether they are sorry for hurting your feelings.  Because, CHANCES ARE THEY’RE NOT EVEN AWARE THEY’VE DONE ANYTHING WRONG -- at the very least, they’re not aware, to the same level you are, that they’ve hurt your feelings.

Here’s what is your right and what you do have control over:  

1. You have the right to let the other person know that your feelings are hurt, HOWEVER, you must do so without any expectation from the other person: don’t expect an apology, don’t expect awareness, don’t expect an acknowledgment that they’ve done anything wrong.  NO EXPECTATIONS.
2. You have the right to not expose yourself to a person whom you feel does not respect you, HOWEVER, you do so without resentment, without anger and without bitterness, no residue of the circumstance of the past.  You do so with legitimate, honest and authentic compassion.

Now you’re in a state of forgiveness.

Poison

Holding on to anger and resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

GRATITUDE

It bears repeating.  Gratitude is everything.  Be grateful even for the scraps - if all your day has given you is scraps, be grateful.  
The Universe (God) builds on what is there and acknowledged and appreciated, it cannot build on what is not there, it cannot build on lack or a sense of lack.  (Paraphrased from Bishop TD Jakes "Save the Scraps" http://www.tdjakes.org/).

AUTHENTICALLY YOU

THIS IS BRILLIANT: How to create authentic power...

1. “[Cultivate] the ability to distinguish within yourself the difference between love and fear, and
2. [Choose] love all the time no matter what is happening inside you or outside you. 

[   ]  When chaos, dissolution, dysfunction, or violence surround you, that is the time to create authentic power by not reacting to it. [   ]  You choose to be patient when impatience roars through you, silent when you want to shout, listen when you feel compelled to speak. You choose the healthiest intentions and actions you can reach for, no matter what.”

~ Gary Zukav

I think it’s important to remember that this is a goal, one that may take a lifetime to achieve.  But in order to be more and more authentically you, me, us; tapping into what is most authentic in us, we will do well to cultivate this, work at this, every day.

POWER

"That is how authentic power is created - intention by intention, and choice by choice.  You cannot wish it, pray it or meditate it into being."


~ Gary Zukav

Certainty

You may be absolutely certain of something, either about a person and their character or the outcome of a situation.  But trying to convince someone of that same certainty is never a good idea.  Sure, you could brow-beat them into it, but you’ll never truly convince them.  The more effective route is to allow people to arrive at their own certainty.  It’s actually the more respectful way to go because everyone deserves the time and space to arrive at knowing in their own way.

That’s not to say that you don’t offer your insight, but after you’ve done that, step back.  It may mean witnessing the bruising of an ego, the hurting of feelings, but in the end the insight is arrived at in a lasting and meaningful way.

Unless of course, you need to brow-beat people into seeing your certainty so that you can say: “I told you so.”  Or, because you need to be right.

That’s a whole other type of certainty all-together. Actually, it's not certainty at all -- it's the exact opposite.

It's easy

Not quite sure how to go about showing gratitude for the good in your life?  Here's a step-by-step demonstration:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg


This should be mandatory viewing for humankind, every day.  On some days, twice!

Gratitude

If you're not grateful for the good that's in your life right now it's probably because you can't recognize the good that's in your life right now.  So you can stop asking for good to appear in your life because you won't recognize it anyway if it were to show up.  


Gratitude is recognizing the good in your life.  And it alters your life by opening up every possibility for more good to flow to you because you'll notice it, you'll see it and...yes, you'll be grateful.  It is a wondrous cycle worth repeating every day.

Universal Beliefs

• I need to know what to do • I don’t know what to do • I know what is best for others • I know what is best for myself • Something terrible is going to happen • It’s possible to make a mistake • People should not lie • People should respect me • I can control how others feel about me • I feel your energy • I need more money • Life isn’t fair • Parents should love their children • Children should love their parents • I need to make a decision.

See Byron Katie: www.thework.com

LESSONS

In retrospect, I see so clearly the point at which I was derailed.  It’s almost as though I’m watching a film and I see the protagonist making a move that will get her killed and I want to shout out -- ‘Don’t do it.’  But I can’t. At the time, I made the moves and I took the steps that I felt I needed to take.  Everything, I guess, has led me to the place I am right now.  The in-between, are the lessons that I needed to learn getting from that point to this one.  The lessons must have been important for them to appear in my life, so I must not, I cannot, begrudge them.

Resurrection

It isn’t enough to let go of pain to leave it behind.  No.  The person in pain has to die, figuratively, die and be reborn a new being that is completely free of that pain. 

Willpower won’t do it, resolutions won’t do it, positive thinking won’t do it.  Pain is primal and the method of eradicating that pain needs to be just as primal.

This doesn’t mean that you will never feel pain again, no, pain is part of the human condition, that’s what makes it primal in the first place.  But if you want to move on with your life, if your past pain is keeping you stuck, you need to bury that part, mourn it and then resurrect a new being, pain free, guilt free and full of potential.

Fighting the Bike

In teaching indoor cycling I see people who ‘fight the bike.’  They have too much tension on and need to use the momentum of their upper body to help their legs turn the pedals.   This isn’t really productive, in fact it’s putting a great deal of stress on your body, it means that the tension you have on the bike is beyond your body’s strength --  for now.  

That’s the beauty about exercise. If you keep at it you improve, you become stronger and you can handle more.  Isn’t that the truth about life?  But sometimes we hold on so tightly to our challenge that we’re stymied by why we can’t seem to get over it.  Just like people who ‘fight the bike’ are stymied by why turning the pedals is so hard.

A more productive approach is to loosen our grip on the challenge (unload the tension on the bike) until we’ve had time to emotionally build up our strength. It might mean stepping back for a bit.  Try and not think about the challenge at all if you can.  Then, when you feel rested, fortified and stronger, approach the challenge again.

Just because the sheer act of the struggle feels like we’re doing something, doesn’t mean that we’re actually doing something.  Although it may feel counterproductive to loosen our grip on a challenge, it’s actually the fastest way to resolve it.

20/20

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  Rather than bemoan how much road you still need to travel, rejoice at the inroads you’ve made, the adventures you’ve had, the monsters you’ve slain.  

Looking over your should will give you this perspective, will show you the progress you’ve made.  

But don’t look too long, it is behind you afterall - nod in farewell and cast your eyes instead to the forested, daisy scattered, butterfly visited, sunshine dappled, path ahead.

SUFFERING

"I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always."
                                                                                                        — Byron Katie 

Judge

If you judge people, your greatest fear is that others are judging you.  That's a mistake.  Most people take others at face value and don't feel the need to lord over or judge you.  If you feel others are judging you, take a look at yourself, what do you know to be true about you?  Are you judging others?

DON'T...

...allow your wounds to transform you into something you're not.  -- Paulo Coelho

Accept that as you create your right life, you’ll become a leader automatically; not because you’ll want others to follow your rules, but because they’ll want to follow your example.  -- Martha Beck

GRAVY

Material rewards may or may not come, but it ultimately shouldn’t matter. People who want an easy life, or a life lived on the surface of things, will never understand this concept.  Although they may possess all the material things imaginable, somewhere along the line, they will have to face the universal human questions that still are  going unanswered in their lives.  


This is the dilemma of those who appear to have it all but are still unsatisfied, unhappy.  In truth, they’ve not understood that what they actually deserve, the true reward lies within themselves, the answers lie within ourselves.  And so long as they don’t understand this or refuse to understand it, their lives will continue to be unhappy. 


I believe it is better to access this authentic meaning of life before hand so that when our delight, our blessings materialize in our lives, we will understand them and appreciate them for what they are...the gravy, just the gravy.

FREEBEE

Everybody and their uncle these days is talking about manifesting what you want and the majority of the time they're talking about material things.  I don’t blame them because if they introduced what they were really talking about up front, no one would be interested.  So they dangle the huge house, the luxury car, the endless vacations, the easy money in front of your eyes until you’re intoxicated by the lifestyles of the rich and famous, and then they’ll tell you what wanting all of those things is really about.

Is it a bait and switch tactic?  I don’t think so, at least I think those that will ultimately tell you that ‘you deserve’ all of these things is actually about wanting certainty, wanting to feel safe, wanting not to live paycheck to paycheck, are authentic.  Those that will tell you that ‘you deserve’ all of these things because it’s your god-given right to live a life of ease and relaxation and all you need to do is wish it hard enough, are just plain full of shit.

I think those dealing with people authentically are talking about universal human needs and realizing legitimate personal potential, and not about wishing yourself into receiving rewards for things you haven’t worked for.

Vulnerability

The question is, I think, one of vulnerability.  We, I, feel vulnerable if I have to delve deep inside myself and ask myself what I want.  Why is that?  Perhaps it’s because we all start behind the 8-ball.  If for example, you start by asking the question, what do I want, what is important to me? but you’re coming from a place of low self-worth, whatever you come up with is already ripe with its own death, its own failure because let’s face it, if you’re not worth anything, if you are not enough, how will anything you may want, be enough?  Truly!  How could what you want possibly matter?

So this is where we start, this is where I start, feeling vulnerable, but feeling authentic in the asking, knowing that the answer matters to me, and that that, is enough.

The coalition of NO

It's easy to join.

There are a million reasons to say no, but few reasons to stand up and say yes.

No requires just one objection, one defensible reason to avoid change. No has many allies--anyone who fears the future or stands to benefit from the status quo. And no is easy to say, because you actually don't even need a reason.

No is an easy way to grab power, because with yes comes responsibility, but no is the easy way to block action, to exert the privilege of your position to slow things down.

No comes from fear and greed and, most of all, a shortage of openness and attention. You don't have to pay attention or do the math or role play the outcomes in order to join the coalition that would rather things stay as they are (because they've chosen not to do the hard work of imagining how they might be).

And yet the coalition of No keeps losing. We live in a world of yes, where possibility and innovation and the willingness to care often triumph over the masses that would rather it all just quieted down and went back to normal.

Yes is the new normal. And just in time.

Seth Godin

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/04/the-coalition-of-no.

Clarity

I find it’s easier to imagine, in the big picture, what you want your life to be.  I suspect because in the big picture you’re not thinking about the details, and that’s the problem.   While it’s nice to visualize the big picture, there is a great deal of frustration because there is usually a vast distance between what you want your life to be and what it is right now.  

Instead, if you work on the details, and the details manifest in the decisions you make every minute of every day, you’ll find the distance closing between what you want and what is until they become one and the same.