Thursday 31 May 2012

Wednesday 30 May 2012

SIGN POSTS - Losing your way 2


The sheer fact that you realize you’ve lost your way is a sign that you’re getting back on track.  The fact that you’re reading this blog, or came across a seemingly random magazine article that resonated while waiting in the doctor’s office, or noticed a sign on the back of a bus that seemed to speak to you personally are sign posts.   Sign posts that lead us back to our path are everywhere, when you’re ready to get back on track, you’ll see them.

Tuesday 29 May 2012

LOSING YOUR WAY


Whether it’s been years, weeks, months or minutes that you’ve strayed off track, it doesn’t matter.  Get back on it now, go, this second.  Do one little tiny thing that will make you feel like you’re back on track.  Little by little take bigger steps that’ll show you you’re back on track.
Know that you were meant to take that detour, more often than not it was to learn a lesson from something that was still repeating in our lives.

Monday 28 May 2012

DO WHAT YOU LOVE


This is part of what it means to live your best life.


“Love what you do and do what you love. Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life.”  ~ Ray Bradbury
Reposted from ‘Brain Pickings’ a very cool site, check it out at: http://www.brainpickings.org/

Saturday 26 May 2012

Friday 25 May 2012

SIMPLE vs EASY


Humans are stubborn.  They say they want things to be simple, but in reality they don’t.  They’re suspicious of things that are too simple.  But let’s be clear - I’m saying simple -- not easy.  There’s a big distinction.
So how do you begin to live your best life?  It’s a confusing thing when you first try to understand it but it’s really quite... simple.
The simple part is needing to stay in the present. The best way to do that is focus on your breath, going in and going out -- that’s it.  Simple yes, easy...not so much.
The second thing you do is separate your THOUGHTS from YOU - again, pretty simple in concept, not so easy in practice.
The best way to accomplish the first is to simply do it, pay attention to your breath as you intake air and as you let it go - do it slowly.  It becomes easy with practice.
The best way to accomplish the second is to come to the realization that YOU are NOT your THOUGHTS.  This is mindblowing once you understand that.  The way I found helped me is to first understand what it is to touch the centre of who I am without any words -- I find focusing a sense of calm around the area of my heart allows me access to who I am - gives me a sense of the spirit of who I am.
Then this equation:
THOUGHT
‘RIVER’
YOU
I do it visually - I visualize a bank on either side of a river, on the far bank are my thoughts and as one tries to cross the river, I let it be swept up in it.  My spirit self is on the other side untouched and whole.  The objective is to sit quietly with your spirit self for as long as possible without having any of the thoughts cross the river.  
The only way this becomes easy is with practice.  But there is no question that it is simple.  It requires no special training, equipment, roadmap, outfit, space, furniture, appliance, nothing - just you. Easy!

Thursday 24 May 2012

FOOTPRINT


How do you stand in the world?  Is it apologetic, slump-shouldered and up against the wall?  Is it on tippy-toes stepping over eggshells your nerves frayed, your stomach in knots?  
How do you occupy real estate in your life?  Are you spread so thin and say yes to so many things that you’re showing up as your mediocre self at best?  Are you focusing on curb appeal - what you look like from the outside and neglecting what’s happening on the inside?
You are bequeathed a footprint when you are born, an allotted space that is solely yours to take up.  Some of us forget that and shrink back occupying less and less space, we do this literally sometimes, with dysmorphic body issues: eating disorders to get so thin we almost disappear; never speaking up for ourselves and letting people trample us under foot, staying in abusive relationships that end in others literally ending us.  It is not okay.  
Our space is our space, it is ours to take up, it is ours to maintain, like a garden to plant and weed and tend, to harvest and set seeds free to pollinate again.  It is absolutely okay to build a fence around this garden, as a boundary to others, as a parameter for ourselves that reminds us who and what can and cannot cross it.

Wednesday 23 May 2012

BACKWARD


Is going back always a step backward?  Not if going back means healing past pain, forgiving individuals, getting clarity on circumstances that have haunted you.  Going back for this purpose is actually a step forward, a move toward getting unstuck and freedom to live your best life.

Tuesday 22 May 2012

Asking II


You should ask, always.  You can’t expect others to divine, like I said in yesterday’s post, BUT, it’s important to be aware of how you’re asking.  Sometimes our ask sounds like an imperative, a command and sometimes, that’s no accident -- we are not expecting or are not aware enough, or don’t respect the other person enough to realize that the person we’re asking has a choice.  But guess what?  Everyone has a choice.
Asking without being open to a NO, without respecting the other persons’ right to refuse, is just being a bully.  Real simple.

Monday 21 May 2012

ASKING


If you ask, people will invariable step up and deliver.  Our biggest mistake is that we expect people to ‘DIVINE’ our wants and needs -- and most people are just too busy navel gazing to see that you’re expecting them to read their mind.   So we don't ask, we fume, we get resentful.
Expecting people to DIVINE lets YOU off the hook because having to ask someone for help, or for support, or whatever, would necessitate some introspection on your part.  You may have to get clear about what you're asking and why you’re asking it (I feel needy, I feel vulnerable).  Or even worse, you may not get the support you asked for which would then open up a whole other can of worms. Why am I with someone who won't support me when I ask for it?
People avoid introspection like the plague because they’re worried that if they actually stumble on some insight they might have to do something about it.
EGADS!
I think it's more authentic and honest if we drop this macho/pride-filled crap and be straightforward. If you need some slack, ask for it.  If you need some reassurance, ask for it.  If you need a cheer, ask for it.  Get in touch with your needy side, your vulnerable side, we all have one and no, we don't reside there all the time -- that's the good news.

Sunday 20 May 2012

EVERYTHING


A great way to set up your relationship for failure - or at the very least, a very rocky ride, is to expect the other person to be your everything: best friend, confidant, lover, nursemaid, cheerleader, mommy and daddy.
It won’t work.  You can’t be all of those things to someone and someone can’t be all of those things to you.
That’s why we have friends, we have the friend who listens really well, we have the friend who is really nurturing, and on and on.  As for your significant other, pay attention at the one or two things they do really well and don’t expect them to be all the things that it would take 10 people to be.

It isn’t fair. It isn’t productive.

Saturday 19 May 2012

A Sure Thing


A sure thing exists only in retrospect - in order for it to be a sure thing, we need to know the ending, we need to know how it turned out.
So if we’re living our lives waiting for a sure thing, we’re living our life in retrospect, we’re living our life in the past.
Folks who live this way do so with the best of intentions, they want to avoid pain because uncertainty, for them, is uncomfortable and scary.  Who wants to live like that?  
A worse scenario though is living stuck where all you can do is talk about wanting your life to be different.  People who are stuck are nothing if not seekers of certainty or a sure thing. 
But be honest, are people tired of hearing you talk about it yet?  Do they walk out of the room when you walk in because they know the conversation will inevitably become a lame and long-winded dirge on how bad your life sucks?
Good.  Welcome to the club where no one lives in a sure thing world, but we all move forward anyway, feeling the angst and fear and all.  We appreciate what’s in our life RIGHT NOW and have faith in what’s to come in the future.  

You want to get unstuck? Contemplate on the present, even if all you can manage is to focus on your lungs expanding and contracting, it’s a start.

SKEPTICISM


Ya, I know, the concept of life revolving around playing and sleeping sounds like someone’s not playing with a full deck.  But I think what’s more perverse is life revolving around an endless grind of doing work that destroys your soul so you can pay your bills -- bills you’ve accumulated through the vicious cycle of consumerism -- an ‘ism’ that is making us slaves.  On and on this cycle goes -- it is destructive, it is soulless and nothing good will come of it, in fact, we witness the destruction of our souls every day.
If redirecting my life toward what feeds my soul and finding a way to make a living from it -- that is play for me.  Play in this sense is a win-win prospect -- I get to make or offer something that brings joy or relief to someone, and they in turn are willing to pay for that thing or service.  The sleep would be part of that cycle that rejuvenates and invigorates the time spent at play.  
It seems healthier to me, more joyful, more compassionate, to ourselves and others.  It feels right to me and I think more and more of us are starting to change the direction of our lives toward this more fulfilling way of living.
The truly magical part is that technology is helping us tear down the traditional ways we needed to make a living -- the traditional jobs, the factories, the cubicles, technology is offering us options.   
I think it is scarier continuing on with the old way than exploring the new way of living because the old way is on its way out -- it is crumbling and whether you want to or not, changes are in the offing -- you may make the change kicking and screaming but change you will.  
You can either start directing the change to the life you want, yourself, you can stick your head in the sand and believe that there is no change happening, or you can have someone or something (society) define that change for you.  
You have choices.

Friday 18 May 2012

DOWSING


It’s exhausting really, this dowsing for your authentic self, your authentic life.  Constantly having to ponder really hard questions: “Is this what I want to do?”  “What am I supposed to do with all this uncertainty, this fear?” There are days, many, many, many, days, when you’re just plain tired. 
That’s okay, you have permission to have a nap.  Really, have a nap.  Trust that you’re on the right path because what you’re really feeling is relief.  The exhausting part was forcing yourself to be someone or something you are not -- how many years did you live your life like that?  It’s little wonder then that you feel tired now.  
Paraphrasing Martha Beck, life really ought to revolve around sleep and play, play and sleep.  I think that’s what living authentically really is -- but some of us have to work really hard letting go of old thoughts and habits to wrap our minds around that concept, and that’s why, some of us are just plain tired.

Thursday 17 May 2012

ENTHUSIASM


Enthusiasm is a dangerous thing.  Whether my own or caught up in someone else’s, I often feel as though I’m looking through a telescope -- my vision simultaneously far-reaching and constricted.
Rollicking in the depths of enthusiasm I forget to check-in with my internal GPS, and find enthusiasm has lured me into a forest and enchanted me with the lovely fauna and flora.  When realization finally does kick in, I’m lost and all I see are giant, towering trees.

I then spend a great deal of time and energy trying to extricate myself and get back to the path I really want to be on.

Moral of the story -- allow for enthusiasm, but keep a very close eye on your GPS.

Wednesday 16 May 2012

DELUSIONS


How can you tell a gambling addict from a gambling professional?  The level of delusion.  The addict is mired in it, he ignores the many failures in his path and ‘feels in his bones’ the win in the next big hand.  
The gambling professional, on the other hand, barely dips his toe in the water of delusion.  What he knows in his bones is that he’s studied the game, he has a strategy, he has weighed his wins and losses realistically and can almost predict the outcome of any game.  The professional uses this understanding to move forward, to hold or to fold.  The addict knows only one trajectory, forward -- some people call that ‘driven,’ ‘passionate,’ ‘committed.’  But without a reality check, the addicts’ forward trajectory can only lead down the road to desolation.
The point is that if you’re pursuing something the trajectory of which is predicated solely on ‘what you feel in your bones,’ I’d recommend an environmental assessment.   Without some anchor to reality you could be chasing an illusion through delusion.

Tuesday 15 May 2012

INFERENCE


Isn’t everything that comes our way an inference that we interpret as meaningful or not, offensive or not, helpful or not, painful or not?  It’s all inference -- an interpretation of information or stimulus that comes our way --  it’s all biased on our point of view.
The question then is what is your point of view?   Is current information or stimulus being interpreted through stories of the past or the future?  Or, are your observations looked at, as best as possible, within the context of the present and the now?  

Monday 14 May 2012

FLUMMOXED


At least a hundred times a day I find myself trying to make my life more complicated than it actually is.  
Why is it that we don’t trust our life when it’s going smoothly?  Why is it that we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop?  And when it doesn’t drop, why is it that we stir our thoughts up with conjectures, projections and just plain made up stories until, the scenario we’re dreading, shows up?  Surprise, surprise.
There is truly no mystery here - what you focus on is what you get.

Sunday 13 May 2012

Mothers are people too


Whether your mother is tied to you biologically or not, is neither here nor there.  We are all anchored to a mother, we’ve all had an individual in our lives who nurtured us.  And while we were all birthed by a woman, the individual who nurtured us does not necessarily need to be a woman, or the woman who bore us, in fact, sometimes, we’ve had to be our own mothers.  
What makes us mothers is the nurturing part, not the pushing a watermelon through the nose part.  We all have the capacity to nurture, each other and most importantly ourselves.  It puzzles me then how difficult it is for most of us to do that - to be that unconditional soft place to fall, to be our number one fan and best champion.  While some of us had to learn to nurture ourselves when we were little, we’re children for a very short period of time.  It’s when we’re all grown up that we need it the most and do it the least.
Nurturing ourselves means listening to our hearts’ desire, knowing, in our bones, that we deserve to be treated with respect, understanding that when we check in with our internal nurturer, we cannot make a bad decision -- our life will always feel on track and authentic.
It’s kind of cool that we have a day to remind us of our mothers, to remind us that we’re all mothers, to remind us to nurture ourselves. 

Saturday 12 May 2012

CRUMBS


“Becoming powerless doesn't happen in a single dramatic stroke, like the barbarian hordes breaking down your door and burning your house. It's a process, and for most people, the process is so gradual that they don't notice it. They are more than happy, in fact, to give away their power by degrees. Why? Because being powerless seems like an easy way to be popular, accepted, and protected.”
~ Deepak Chopra
How do you know that you’ve become powerless?  When you are happy with the crumbs.  What are crumbs?  They're what's left behind after everyone else, in your life, has what they want.  


Friday 11 May 2012

VALUE II


You and me, we have an opportunity
And we could make it something really cool
But you, you think I'm not that kind of girl
I'm here to tell you baby, I know how to rock your world
Don't think that I'm not strong
I'm the one to take you on
Don't underestimate me boy
I'll make you sorry you were born
You don't know me
The way you really should
You sure misunderstood
Dont' call me baby
You got some nerve, and baby that'll never do
You know I don't belong t o you
It's time you knew I'm not your baby
I belong to me, so
Don't call me baby
Behind my smile is my IQ
I must admit, this does not sit, with the likes of you
You're really sweet
Mmm, you're really nice
But didn't mama ever tell you not to play with fire?
 Don’t Call Me Baby - Madison Avenue
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4-PcMSxrUA

VALUE


Why is it that we so often allow others to determine our value?  I think we allow others to make that determination when we don’t see, believe or trust, our value, ourselves.

Thursday 10 May 2012

PAST


The past is in its rightful place -- behind us.  
Certainly, let the hills you’ve climbed over and the valleys you’ve walked through be the foundation of your current wisdom and strength.  
But, if you find that all you’re really doing, by looking back, is raking yourself repeatedly over hot coals, or worse, remembering only s’mores and Kumbaya sitting around that pit of hot coals, then please, do something else. 
I’d recommend stoking those coals with the debris of the past into a roaring fire. Toss in those switches you snap off that ancient weeping willow and use to beat yourself with, heave in your worn out vinyl of The Way We Were.  Throw it all into this raging pit.  
Then, as you walk away, feel the delicious warmth of the flames on your back.  
It’s truly okay to walk way from your past.  You’re not leaving anything precious behind because the important stuff, the stuff that really matters, you’ve brought with you to the present. You have what matters most, here, right now.   

Wednesday 9 May 2012

OPTIONS


Our journey is not an option.  Some of the challenges we encounter on our journeys are not options - we’ll meet them whether we want to or not.  By and large, however, the majority of the challenges that get in our way, are of our own making.  
And although good-intentioned, sometimes we get in our way by simply trying to understand why we get in our way.  You know what, it doesn’t really matter why we do it.  It’s more important to realize we’re doing it and STOP.  Ya, simple I know in concept - excruciatingly hard to do in practice.  
The problem, I think, is that we assume that when we’ve grasped the concept, we’ve eradicated the problem in practice and worse, if we’ve mastered getting out of our way in one scenario, that we’ll never get in our way again EVER.  
Rather, it’s what I understand flying a plane is like.  For the majority of time you’re off course and by making constant small adjustments are you able to get to your destination.  
So too with getting out of our way:
  1. Recognize it when it’s happening
  2. Adjust to get back on course
  3. Repeat
  4. Repeat
  5. Repeat
The majority of time number 2 requires us to step back and do nothing because what we’re usually busy doing is stirring the pot with hand-wringing and story-making, or fanning a tempest in a teapot with ruminations on the past or projections of the future.

Tuesday 8 May 2012

HABIT


"Courage, like fear, is a habit. The more you do it, the more you do it, and this habit—of stepping up, of taking action—more than anything else, will move you in a different direction."
—  Tony Robbins

LET GO


“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”  ~ Joseph Campbell
“Accept - then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it...This will miraculously transform your whole life.”  ~ Eckhart Tolle
“If your life is cloudy and you’re far, far off course, you may have to go on faith for a while, but eventually you’ll learn that every time you trust your internal navigation system, you end up closer to your right life.” ~ Martha Beck

Monday 7 May 2012

UN-RINGING THE BELL


It can’t be done. So you may as well face it that when you become aware, whether you deliberately searched for that awareness, stumbled on it accidentally or hunted it down and beat it into submission, doesn’t really matter.  Once you are conscious of your authentic self, even just for a split second, you can’t un-know it, you can’t un-ring that bell.  
Too bad, so sad for you because now it will torment you.  It’ll be especially torturous for those who aren’t ready for it, who caught that glimpse inadvertently, who are addicted to pain and their stories and dramas.  The knowing, will haunt you until you have no choice but to act in the direction of that authenticity.
Joyous bells will be ringing for you then -- and I wish that for you, with all my heart.

Sunday 6 May 2012

SECRET INGREDIENT


“You can't rationally formulate a miracle. Miracles come not from intellect but from love.” ~ Marianne Williamson
I believe there is a great deal of misunderstanding around the whole concept of the ‘secret’ or the law of attraction and it has to do with what Marianne Williamson is talking about.  
It is a mistake to believe that you can simply wish with all your might for a Maserati for example, and expect it to appear.  If it doesn’t appear, hacks who misinterpret the law of attraction, will tell you that you just didn’t want it badly enough or that you wished for it ‘wrong’ or that you simply didn’t attend enough seminars with said hack. 
James Arthur Ray, (he was one of the original individuals associated with The Secret) was one of those hacks who misrepresented the law of attraction in an egregious manner.  It killed people.  The law of attraction is about like energy attracting like, so it’s not surprising that Ray attracted devastating circumstances to himself because he projected arrogant energy and used the methods of a charlatan.  There was no love in his energy not for himself and not for the people he professed to want to help.  If he truly understood the law of attraction, he would have realized that devastation was on its way to him.
Rather, the law of attraction is about tapping into our spirit energy which consists of love and gratitude for what we have in your lives right now AND, extending compassion and peace out toward others.  It is in the joy that we acknowledge and celebrate in our life that attracts more of the same toward us.  Paraphrasing Bishop T.D. Jakes, multiplying by zero still leaves you with zero, but acknowledging the good you have, no matter how hard you have to dig to find it, provides the Universe with something positive to multiply with.
If nothing else, bear in mind that for the really important things in life, there is no magic bullet, it requires work.  Judging by how many hacks actually get rich from selling magic bullets, most people will try and avoid this work like the plague.  But it’s the only way.  
Only with love and letting go of our selfish motivation, looking around to see how we can be of service to others, how we can show gratitude for the life we’re living now, can we truly draw miracles to ourselves.

Saturday 5 May 2012

DEFAULT


“A palliative care nurse called Bronnie Ware made a list of the biggest regrets of the dying. Her list seems plausible. I could see myself—can see myself—making at least 4 of these 5 mistakes.
If you had to compress them into a single piece of advice, it might be: don't be a cog. The 5 regrets paint a portrait of post-industrial man, who shrinks himself into a shape that fits his circumstances, then turns dutifully till he stops.
The alarming thing is, the mistakes that produce these regrets are all errors of omission. You forget your dreams, ignore your family, suppress your feelings, neglect your friends, and forget to be happy. Errors of omission are a particularly dangerous type of mistake, because you make them by default.
I would like to avoid making these mistakes. But how do you avoid mistakes you make by default? Ideally you transform your life so it has other defaults. But it may not be possible to do that completely. As long as these mistakes happen by default, you probably have to be reminded not to make them. So I inverted the 5 regrets, yielding a list of 5 commands:
Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy. 
Which I then put at the top of the file I use as a todo list.”  ~ Paul Graham

Friday 4 May 2012

HOOK OR CROOK


I am scared to death.  It seems that by hook or by crook the Universe is hellbent and determined to have me live my authentic life and realize a dream.  The only thing for it is to lash myself to the mast and like Odysseus gird against the siren songs.
Okay a little melodramatic...but when the Universe continually adjusts your GPS toward the right path, your only choice is to recognize it, kneel in gratitude and brace yourself...you’ll need a seatbelt.

Thursday 3 May 2012

THE SKY IS FALLING


Although Seth is talking about catastrophizing in business, it’s a great point for living as well.  Listen up drama queens, chicken little’s and fear mongers, catastrophizing your life is not a problem solving tool.
“Is catastrophizing effective?
Often, our instinct is to make the current bump in the road far more urgent than it actually is. It focuses our attention and rallies those around us to take immediate and deliberate action.
After all, if this is the big one, of course we should drop everything and deal with it.
Missing from this equation is the cost of dropping everything. The short-term herk and jerk that is delivered by an organization that responds to those that amplify problems into catastrophes inevitably leads to poor performance in the long run.
Employees who do this ought to be counseled to cut it out. It's not what we hired you to do. Bosses who catastrophize are often hesitant to admit it, though, and if you work for one, it's going to continually hurt your ability to do your best work.
And non-profits who catastrophize to meet their next funding goal inevitably sabotage the very work they set it out to do in the first place, all because it's an easy way to raise some extra money.” ~ Seth Godin

CONTROL


While there are many things in life I cannot control, I always have choices. Even when the body is an absolute victim, the heart and mind are at liberty to believe their best estimate of the truth.

Wednesday 2 May 2012

OPPORTUNITIES


“Life doesn’t happen to me but for me.” ~ Tony Robbins
What opportunities to live your authentic self are you drawing toward you?  
Conversely, what opportunities for growth are you repelling by simply being ungrateful for the lessons that the Universe provides for you?

Tuesday 1 May 2012

FUEL


You either have the good stuff flowing through your brain, the fuel derived from the essence of your authentic self, or you have the low grade stuff, the stuff made up of stories. 

Stories of how you’re no good, or that you’ll never amount to anything, or how everyone is living a better life than you -- you know, the cheap fuel that burns like bad oil and sends plumes of black smoke coming out from under the hood obscuring your vision so you can’t see where you’re going, and finds you wandering around aimlessly with a haze around your heart because your GPS can’t communicate with you properly.  
The choice of fuel up is up to you.  Where you fuel up is up to you.  Whether you fuel up at all, or leave your tank empty and your life stuck, is also up to you.