STRUCTURE

Some folks really need structure in their environment.  It means they thrive on working within well defined parameters.  Others on the other hand, feel too constricted by defined parameters.  These folks prefer to make up the lines that define their environment, as they go.  

It’s not putting too fine a point on the matter to say that it is critical to find out which is more important for you.

The quality of your life depends on it.

The quantity of joy in your life is defined by it.

RESPECTFUL

Remembrance isn’t about dwelling on the past and letting it define our present environment or the one in our future.

Rather, remembrance is a respectful reflection on our history where with the help of retrospection we can distinguish between the things worth learning from and those destructive things worth leaving behind.

INWARD

We can't forget to build stillness into our nest. 

Stillness is the gap between the sticks.  The gap that allows us to travel inward.  It's when we journey inward that we see our path and hear our heart's desire the most clearly. 

And our heart's desire is our north star that guides us toward our best, most fulfilling life. 

You can only hear it with stillness.  Stillness is critical.

TRUST

Why is it that we trust our skills and competencies when someone else is telling us what do?  When we’re working for a ‘boss’ and they’re asking us to do something we’ve never done before, instead of dissolving into a puddle of insecurity, we say, ‘no worries, I’ll figure it out.'  

Yet, when that job disappears and you’ve got a glorious window of opportunity to do what makes your heart sing, you invariably dissolve into that puddle of insecurity and you suddenly forget, you mistrust that skilled and competent person you were only hours before, the fearsome woman who said, 'no worries, I’ll figure it out.’

What’s that got to do with nest and environment? Everything.  The ‘boss’ example is a nest built by someone else who’s letting you stay in that nest until they say otherwise.  The window of opportunity is the nest you will build yourself.  The one where you dictate what it looks like, the type of sticks you’ll use and the amount of time you’ll stay in it.

HUGE DIFFERENCE in whether you'll DEVELOP or CORRODE your self confidence.

STIRRING

The nest is the environment that we build for ourselves.  We make it comfortable.

And that’s the problem.  The nest becomes so comfortable, so safe and so familiar that we don’t catch the moment that this nest becomes our prison.   

The thing is our environment is temporary, it is a thing in flux that expands relative to our growth. 

When the sticks of our nest start poking us in the ribs instead of paying attention we start eating too much, drinking too much, spending too much time at work, too much time socializing, too much time trying to distract ourselves, too much time making excuses.      

If we paid attention we’d realize that the nest has become too small, too constrictive.  If we paid attention we’d realize that our body and soul is seeking to transition, to grow, to learn.  This is a wonderful thing.

Transition, growth, change is an imperative whether our ambitions are modest or spectacular.  

Growth is disruptive.  Growth stirs our environment.  If there's a rustling in the sticks of your nest, pay attention.

NEXT

Start asking for what you want from yourself.  Create the story you want to live.  Infuse the sticks that make up your nest with a story full of strength and wisdom and insight worthy of passing on to the next generation.  

Not just a story but a nest filled with coping skills taught by example, skills that actually make kids strong.  Skills that will be useful to them.  That will set them up several steps ahead, rather than having them struggle to disentangle themselves from unproductive and dysfunctional mechanisms that only serve to slow them down.

If what you’ve always done isn’t working for you, then do your kids a favour and stop modelling it to them.

OTHER

The sticks that made up our nests contain within them the story: patterns, behaviors, coping strategies, dysfunction, etcetera, of our family of origin.   It is not surprising then when we grow up and construct our own nests we infuse our sticks with this story as well.

Therefore, if in our family of origin problems were always seen as created by others, even if the other was another family member, then chances are we will also look at our problems as coming from an ‘other’ AND (because it is ‘other’) are powerless to affect change.

So, if you think that your life sucks because your partner (boss, cousin, cashier, etcetera) isn’t acting the way they should, or your job sucks because  _______ fill in the blank, then you are dipping into your family of origin nest story.

This means you haven’t understood that:

1. What you see as most profoundly wrong in your life derives from an old pattern or dysfunction, and

1. While a circumstance may present itself beyond our control, whether we see it as a problem, or make a problem out of it, is never the influence of an ‘other,’ it is rather only influenced by us.

We create our problems, truly we do. I know, you’ll be sputtering...but, but, but... .  

Bottom line: You want something to change in your life, then don't reach back to your family of origin nest for answers, don't do what you've always done.  Try something new.  Change you.  

Change the way you look at something.  

Change the way you deal with something.  

Change the way you approach something.

Change the way you ask for something -- better still START ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT!