RELATIONSHIPS ~ II

Why is it then, when we know that people won’t change for us, that we continue to stay? Why is it that we stay with people we don’t respect?

That’s right, you should actually still respect the person you’re with.  I know, this concept is a revelation to some people.  If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time you’re probably thinking, ‘Are you kidding me, that’s like asking me to respect my couch.’  Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, you’ve got problems - I wouldn’t be surprised if your relationship hasn’t been fulfilling for a very long time, and so you hang in there because it’s comfortable? Because it’s easy?

What a load of crap that is.  Come on people, really?  It’s a midlife crisis waiting to happen.  Where do you think the craving for fast cars and slow cheap women comes from?

How about when we stay with individuals who beat us, demean us, are disengaged from us, use us, tread us underfoot literally and emotionally?  Dismiss us? What’s going on there?  Are you seriously thinking that they will change?  Really?  Are you staying for the kids?  Have you thought about that? What are you mentoring your kids by staying?

Trust me when I tell you that for your partner to decide that what’s working for them now isn’t working anymore, you'll be waiting a very long time.  Consider that:

1. You don’t have the time to wait for them to change --  10 years will pass like a lightning strike.  You’ll be 10 years older devastated for having wasted all this time.
2. You don’t have the energy to waste waiting around for them to get their act together -- you could be doing something that actually gives you energy, infuses your life with vitality, like: getting an education, working at a rewarding career, being a strong mentor to your kids, your nieces and nephews, your friends.
3. Waiting around squanders opportunities to be with someone who adores you, who is easy to be with, who wants the same things you do.

Like sister Aretha sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T. By waiting for someone to change you're communicating to yourself and everyone else around you that you don't matter.

TAKE HOME MESSAGE:  You only have control over you, over what changes you want to make.  That’s it. When you decide to make a change the message becomes,  'YES, I Matter!'  There is nothing more energizing and awesome than that.

CAVEAT: Don’t threaten to make changes, if you say you’re going to make them, do it.  Empty threats erode your self-respect and add fuel to their abuse.