RELATIONSHIPS ~ IV

Realities of marriage:

Misconception that in a marriage 2 become 1:  That’s definitely a recipe for disaster.  More marriages break up because one or both people have lost themselves, lost the sense of who they are in order to make the relationship function.  It doesn’t work. You are always 2.  You are always individuals who together become even more dynamic, but there is no melding, no dissolving, rather the opposite, it makes each individual stronger.  

Manage your expectations: Don’t expect from your partner something that you yourself can’t deliver.   If you’re not capable of: being truthful, being on time, doing what you say you’re going to do, being respectful, etc., then you have no business expecting these things from your partner.

Change: You know how I feel about this so don’t make me come over there.  If, for even a split second, you have the idea that they will change, run the other way.  I SAID RUN THE OTHER WAY, NOW...GO!

Quit bitching: this goes back to the change thing.  For some reason people think that bitching gets results - it doesn’t.  At best it’s annoying at worst it’s corrosive.  So knock it off...both of you.

Talk to each other:  it makes me crazy when I hear people arguing because one person expected the other person ‘to know.’  Just because you’re married now, or you’re co-habitating, doesn’t mean that you can miraculously read each other’s minds.  Spell it out, if you want something ask for it.  If you need something ask for it.

Don’t be a coward:  Show up, all of you and show up as you.  The most cowardly thing by far is showing up all full of yourself and superior thinking that what they don’t know won’t hurt them.  It does hurt them and in due time, will hurt you as well.

Having an affair never has and never will solve a problem in your relationship.   Spending more time online, whether it’s with World of Warcraft or flirting in a chatroom, if you’re supposed to be in a relationship, it's cheating.  Don’t rationalize your asshole behavior, nobody’s buying it.

Don’t bring your arguments to people’s houses and don’t start arguments when there’s company.  We don’t care - get your shit together, work it out before you present yourself in public.

Insist that your relationship be a drama-free zone: This is really important because drama is a distraction.  People create drama so they don’t have to deal with what’s actually not working.  Be brave, address the issues that aren’t working with cool heads and open hearts.

Have you got any realities?  I'd love to hear them.