20/20

Time plays a key role in moving us toward our flight imperative.  In his article, Why the Deepest Lessons Take Time to Absorb, John Caddell writes: 

“Only with the passing of time can the intense emotions (positive or negative) of an event fall away and allow us to recognize mistakes and our contribution to them.”

Read the article here:http://the99percent.com/articles/7194/Why-The-Deepest-Lessons-Take-Time-To-Absorb

RELATIONSHIPS VI

The relationship you have with yourself is the most critical.  It informs how all your other relationships work.   If your other relationships aren’t making you feel respected and cared for, chances are you’re not treating yourself with a great deal of care and respect.

RELATIONSHIPS ~ IV

Realities of marriage:

Misconception that in a marriage 2 become 1:  That’s definitely a recipe for disaster.  More marriages break up because one or both people have lost themselves, lost the sense of who they are in order to make the relationship function.  It doesn’t work. You are always 2.  You are always individuals who together become even more dynamic, but there is no melding, no dissolving, rather the opposite, it makes each individual stronger.  

Manage your expectations: Don’t expect from your partner something that you yourself can’t deliver.   If you’re not capable of: being truthful, being on time, doing what you say you’re going to do, being respectful, etc., then you have no business expecting these things from your partner.

Change: You know how I feel about this so don’t make me come over there.  If, for even a split second, you have the idea that they will change, run the other way.  I SAID RUN THE OTHER WAY, NOW...GO!

Quit bitching: this goes back to the change thing.  For some reason people think that bitching gets results - it doesn’t.  At best it’s annoying at worst it’s corrosive.  So knock it off...both of you.

Talk to each other:  it makes me crazy when I hear people arguing because one person expected the other person ‘to know.’  Just because you’re married now, or you’re co-habitating, doesn’t mean that you can miraculously read each other’s minds.  Spell it out, if you want something ask for it.  If you need something ask for it.

Don’t be a coward:  Show up, all of you and show up as you.  The most cowardly thing by far is showing up all full of yourself and superior thinking that what they don’t know won’t hurt them.  It does hurt them and in due time, will hurt you as well.

Having an affair never has and never will solve a problem in your relationship.   Spending more time online, whether it’s with World of Warcraft or flirting in a chatroom, if you’re supposed to be in a relationship, it's cheating.  Don’t rationalize your asshole behavior, nobody’s buying it.

Don’t bring your arguments to people’s houses and don’t start arguments when there’s company.  We don’t care - get your shit together, work it out before you present yourself in public.

Insist that your relationship be a drama-free zone: This is really important because drama is a distraction.  People create drama so they don’t have to deal with what’s actually not working.  Be brave, address the issues that aren’t working with cool heads and open hearts.

Have you got any realities?  I'd love to hear them.

RELATIONSHIPS ~ III

Is marriage still for the long-term?  Just wondering because while people who want to get married are ‘talking’ about long term, their actions, what they’re doing, suggests that they’re in it for the short term.  

What I mean is this.  I’m amazed at how little people actually know about marriage. You’re probably thinking, well that’s because they haven’t done it so how are they supposed to know?  Just like we’re supposed to know about the migration of the wildebeest in east Africa, read about it, watch a documentary, talk to people who’ve been there and seen it/done it for themselves.  

What I find happens with marriage, is that although this frank type of information is out there, people tend to migrate toward the romantic, fuss-about-the-dress, happily ever after crap, and much of the focus of the romantic is actually  on the WEDDING and not the MARRIAGE -- they're not the same thing.  The former has very little to do with the latter.

If you really want to be married for the long term, in other words, if you're serious about getting married in the first place, talk to people who’ve been married for 50 years, that, like nothing else, will prepare you for what’s ahead.

If you can’t handle that truth, then do yourself a favor and don’t get married, until you can AND your partner can as well -- THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!

One Little Thing.

If you do nothing else in your life, please just do one thing.  THINK FOR YOURSELF.  It matters, it matters a lot.  

Those who are all too ready to give you their opinion do not have your best interest at heart, they have an agenda: advertisers, your boss, your teacher, some of your friends.  They all have an agenda: they want you to spend your money on needless things, she wants you to tow the line and not cause trouble, he wants you to be an empty vessel, and some of your friends want you to stay just the way you are, so they don’t have to change anything about themselves either.

If you’re serious about change in your life, this is the first step, develop an opinion, or a point of view that you’ve arrived at yourself, that reflects your values and beliefs.  This one little thing, is the bravest and most important thing you can do.

Doing Nothing

Sometimes doing nothing is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.  We oftentimes forget that we have the choice of doing nothing, of pulling away to collect our thoughts, to touch base with what feels right for us before making a decision.  Or, you can defer making a decision until you can say with confidence which way it is you want to go.

If you are feeling pressured to make a decision, take that as a sign that you need to pull back and give it some space, give yourself some time to reflect, or get more information, or talk to a mentor.  If the person cares enough, they’ll wait.