Expectations are the hopes we have for a certain outcome. But more than that, we weave a fairly complex story around this hope and imbue it with all manner of emotion and meaning, so that when the outcome of a situation is not what we expected, we are disappointed, hurt, disillusioned, crushed, and on and on. At its worst, it can level our self-esteem and make us skittish about trying anything outside our comfort zone again.
We can’t eradicate expectation, it seems to be part of being human. But I don’t think it’s the expectation itself that’s the problem, it’s the story that we weave around that expectation. It’s the story that makes it feel personal, so the bigger the story the deeper the destruction will go.
Why is this distinction important? If we can acknowledge a sense of expectation as part of an experience but keep the story small and at arms length, then the outcome has less power over us.
For example:
You go for a job interview:
Expectation = I hope it goes well
Story = Getting this job will validate my skills
It’s a prestigious firm, my friends will be impressed
It’s more money so I can afford more stuff
It’ll be a relief since the bills are piling up
Etc.
You don’t get the job:
Fallout = That sucks
Story= Means my skills suck
A prestigious firm thinks I suck
No money coming in
The bills are piling up
I suck
I’m a loser
Etc.
No comments:
Post a Comment