A laughing matter

I came across a website (I’ll not mention it, but I’m sure you could find it) that talked about women and how they seem to not need men as they get older - (it appeared to me as though the author was interested in uncovering a flaw in older women).  He was looking for data to support his theory and what he found was that a) there wasn’t a whole lot of data around this subject, and b) the data that existed show that older women aren’t remarrying because they are usually widowed and tend not to remarry.  But he does uncover further data that reveals that women, overall, are the ones that initiate divorce.  So, it seems to me that he has proven his point to some degree.

Why is this important?  People, men and women, need reasons for explaining things that aren’t working in their lives -- they’re trying to make sense of what they’ve experienced or could be experiencing right now. 

So the sheer fact that someone would ask “Are women done with men after age 55” points to a very particular scenario in this person’s life, perhaps he’s sensing that his wife (or his friend’s wives are not showing the interest in their husbands that they once did ).  The point however is, as you can imagine, the reason why women initiate divorce or why they become distant from their husbands/boyfriends, etc., is as varied and complex as the individual herself.  How much does this kind of data show?  Not a whole lot.  In fact, you can find data on just about anything and interpret it to confirm just about any theory you need it to.  

But what’s the value?  A lot, if it makes you feel better and don’t mind a very narrow point of view.  Not a whole lot, if you understand that people are complex and that the hugely varied human experience cannot be pinned down and defined by a set of data.

Although the idea that some are comfortable with using a set of data to explain something as complex as why people divorce, is rather funny.   What isn’t funny is that some people read data like that and actually believe it to be a reflection of reality or that reality can be inferred by that data.

For example: Stats show that women initiate divorce ergo women don’t take marriage vows as seriously as men, therefore, women are more wonton and manipulative; women marry men to get at their money, and on and on.

See what I mean, you could spin a thoroughly nefarious story by simply stating that a set of statistics show that women initiate divorce.

Here’s why it matters.  The first lesson of taking flight is to ask questions, little ones, big ones, it doesn’t matter.  The point is don’t sit passively by and let other people tell you what reality is -- people have agendas.  Like those online dating commercials, stating that 1-5 relationships start with online connections - really, who undertook that analysis I wonder, the dating sites?  What is their agenda do you think?

Open the window, stick your head out and see for yourself what reality is.  And even more valuable, sit quietly for a couple of minutes and let your inner reality speak.  That, more than anything, is what truly matters.  That more than anything steers you toward the runway.