SELFLESS

Crutch is a noun - it is a thing.  

When we are a crutch we become the temporary thing someone leans on during a rough patch.  It means we are a great friend, an awesome parent and generally a soft place to fall.  Being a crutch for someone means we offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent to.  It communicates to this person struggling that we have every confidence that they’re strong, smart and resilient enough to pull through.   

Enabling is a verb -  it is doing.  When we’re enabling someone we accomplish the exact opposite.  While we attempt to ‘do’ or ‘fix’ the problem what we’re actually telling the individual is that we don’t trust their ability to make the right decisions, that they don’t have the wherewithal to solve their problems, that in essence, they are weak and need you.

Notice the difference?  

As a crutch, the confidence and power stays with the other person, the longterm benefits are that they feel supported, empowered and confident to not only deal with but flourish through their struggles.

Enabling, on the other hand, transfers the power from the person struggling to the person ‘doing’ and ‘fixing.’  The benefits are all to the doer and none to the person struggling who now feels, unsure, overwhelmed, anxious and afraid.  

What’s interesting is when you meet a person who desperately wants to be enabled when all you really want to offer is a crutch. 

In this scenario the real difficulty lies in refusing to offer the former, and from a true selfless part of yourself, with deep love and respect, extend the latter.