“AND” & “THE”

For the rest of July I will focus on personal responsibility and how it relates to violent and abusive relationships.

An alcoholic is an alcoholic whether he’s got a drink in his hand or not.  In between drinks he has difficulty managing responsibilities at home and at work, exhibits physical withdrawal symptoms, and displays emotional and behavioral changes, such as acting erratically: either he’ll be angry all the time, or vacillate between being defensive and charming.   

So too the violent abuser who is still an abuser whether he’s striking you or not, whether he’s physically abusing you or is rather emotionally tormenting you.  

My point is that an abuser is an abuser whether he’s caught in the act or whether he’s buying you roses as an apology for the black eye.  

If you are on the receiving end of the abuse please know:

1) You did not cause it - irrespective of what the abuser is telling you

2) You do not deserve it - irrespective of how the abuser is making you feel

3) It isn’t the alcohol and it isn’t because your abuser had a rough childhood - regardless of what your abuser tells you when he apologizes

4) You must leave - irrespective of whether your abuser is telling you you’ve got no place to go and no one will care  -- people care and there are places to go - this is your responsibility because you cannot allow your abuser to steal another second of your life.  If you have children, you have absolute responsibility over them, and the urgency in leaving goes double.  

Here’s the overwhelming thing you need to know about your abuser.  He (or she) is a LIAR.  Lying is just one of the tools they use to manipulate you with -- that’s all.  Please, please, please remember this if you remember anything -- everything coming out of their mouth is a lie even the words ‘and’ and ‘the’.  

Make a plan.  Be safe.  LEAVE.