SHIFT

Isn’t it interesting that our definition of hell depends on our point of view?  Really, we can turn anything into hell if we really put our minds to it.    
Say for example you have a really long commute into work and you’ve come to hate it.  You’re fighting it every step of the way thinking only of the amount of time that you’re wasting sitting in traffic.  Sure you could change jobs, but what if you like the job, just not the commute? 

By making just a small shift in your perception – you’ve not gone out and bought an expensive piece of equipment to make the switch, you’ve not succumbed to a spell or fallen into a trance – you simply made a miniscule switch in the way you associate your commute with a bad thing.   You’ve instead thought of ways you can make that commute productive:

-       Listening to books on tape

-       Dictating into a tape recorder: memos, schoolwork, ideas for your book

-       Conference calls

-       Letting your mind wander and coming up with creative solutions to problems

Sometimes all it takes is making sure you’ve got snacks and your favorite coffee.  And even if you end up doing nothing but daydreaming (in a safe, paying attention to the road kind of way), the point isn’t what you do, the point is that you direct your thinking in a productive direction rather than a counterproductive one.

What astounds me is how much people resist this notion.  I can feel the eye-rolling as I write this, but it’s true – you can either perpetuate the negative or you can turn it around and make it productive, make it work for you.  The choice is yours, the control is yours, the responsibility is yours.

I find that when you come up against resistance to making this adjustment in your point of view, the critical question to ask is, what are you getting out of the negativity?  Is it because the negativity is easier?  Is it because wallowing  in the negativity means you don’t have to change?

Or is the negativity about one thing really masking a much more serious and scary thing underneath?  You could find out by trying the switch and seeing whether the negativity dissipates.  If it doesn’t then maybe the negativity and anger isn’t about the commute at all but maybe it’s about the job.  Maybe it’s about resenting the fact that you work so far away when you’d rather have a job closer so you can spend more time with the kids?

Let’s be clear about one thing though:  In no way shape or form am I suggesting that you should rationalize abusive behavior into a positive point of view.  Abuse is abuse, plain and simple.  I’m talking about things that are within the sphere of your control.  In other words, you have no control over someone being abusive toward you, however, you do have control over whether you stay and whether you view leaving as a feasible and productive thing to do.  Which it always is.